When I was in high school, my mother came up with a new phrase. Basically, it is shorthand for “none of your business”, and Shirley Faye used it frequently when we asked too many questions. “Nunya” has been clanging around in my head tonight. It has to do with something someone said about a comment I made about her surgery.
I commented on how wonderful she looked to a friend on Facebook who had her procedure not long before I did. She sent me a private message letting me know that she had kept the surgery to herself, and not told anyone. I assume her husband and children know, because of proximity, but outside of those folks it seems no-one else knows about it. She says she kept the fact that she had Bariatric Surgery to herself because, as she put it, “…it’s none of their business.”
It kind of left me stunned. She is the second person in my group to say that about her surgery. When I read it, I thought about everyone who has supported me with my surgery. It never occurred to me that I might have kept having weight-loss surgery to myself … a secret, as it were. I have been very open with everyone about it. My family, my friends, my church family… everyone. I never even considered that I might be doing the wrong thing by speaking up about it. I just didn’t care who knew or what they thought about it or me.
Mind you, I am not thinking of changing my view. It’s too late for that anyhow (because I’m blogging about it, and inviting people to read what I’ve written, lol). I am wondering, actually, how that would feel, having someone know your business about your weight loss? Especially when you tend to keep your business to yourself. Is there a sense of shame to it? Anger? I don’t know. I can’t even imagine it, at least as far as my journey is concerned. I just can’t.
My friend says that in the past, when she said anything about Bariatric Surgery, she got negativity in return. Now, THAT I get. I have received negative feedback as well. It has typically come from someone who either: doesn’t have a weight problem and therefore has no clue about the struggle; or someone who has already discounted Bariatric Surgery for themselves without taking the time to find out what it was really about. I get that too, it’s the whole “walk in my shoes” thing. I never thought to get upset or angry about negative feedback. I think the difference in my case is that, when anyone responded negatively or unproductively about my choice, I prefaced my (usually calm) response to that with “It’s just not that simple.”
In truth, it really wasn’t that simple. This is not the easy way out for me. Nor do I think it was the easy way out for the millions of other people who have chosen Bariatric Surgery as the best way to ensure that they can lead healthy lives. Funny, though, I used to. Again, it’s the “walk in my shoes” thing. As I’ve said before, I never really had a problem with my weight until recently. I was happy whatever it was, and the reasons are two-fold: 1. I was in excellent health; and 2. I looked great. I was beautiful, in fact. Sure, I made self-deprecating remarks about my “fat ass”, but not out of any secret self-loathing I may have harbored. I don’t think so, anyway. Maybe I have been in denial about that all this time. Oh, well.
The point I am making is, I found no reason whatsoever to hide the fact that I made plans to take the surgical alternative to weight loss. It never occurred to me that I might have a reason to keep it to myself. I feel no shame in having made this choice. None. In fact, I am very proud of myself to have finally done something sensible to get healthy again. Naysayers aren’t a concern. It’s not their body I am living in. This is for me: me alone. I made this decision, and didn’t need or ask for approval from anyone else. You either ride this horse in the direction it’s going, or get left sitting at the watering hole.
The response, in my case, has been overwhelmingly positive anyway. And very, very supportive. Of the naysayers I can honestly say that, for most of them, their concerns had more to do with unexpected complications of major surgery than anything else. Perhaps I am just lucky in that respect, as I am in so many other ways. The people with whom I align myself care deeply for me, love me completely no matter what is going on, and trust me to make the best decision for myself.
But, then again, who knows? Maybe most of them were thinking, “Oh, well. Whatever. It’s none of my business.”