Hello, world!!

December 6, 2010

Ok, so as of today, I am one week post-surgery.  Whew!!  I’m glad that’s over!!  Time to move on…

I weighed myself this evening, so far I have lost 19 pounds.  I had been telling everyone that that was since last Monday, but it seems I was a little too eager on that one.  I started the liquid diet Friday night at midnight.  I was at 259.6 lbs Saturday morning.  By Monday, I weighed in at 254.2lbs.  So, I have actually lost only 14 lbs since the morning of my surgery.  Who cares, that is fantastic!!!

The past week has been a bit difficult, to say the least.  I woke up from the surgery screaming (as I have always done) from the pain, with a nurse who couldn’t get the damn regulator to work for my IV.  This went on for what seemed like an hour (but was probably only 15 minutes) when Beverly told her to, “just go get a new machine and help her!!!” (God bless her).  How I remembered that part of the ordeal was significant, as I have never heard Beverly yell, and wondered how such a forceful tone could come out of such a little woman.  I think I might have forgotten I was supposed to be screaming for a minute or two.

The next time I woke up, things were much better.

I’ve been home since last Wednesday (December 1, World AIDS Day).  It’s been an adventure.  I’ve actually really hurt myself a couple of times trying to get stuff down.  Really, I went through nearly 8 months of classes in preparation for this surgery, and nothing they told us applies so far, at least not in my case.  We should have been practicing how to sip liquids and make sure we get it right somewhere in all that nutrition and fitness and “Do Not Do This After Surgery, You Could Kill Yourself” that Kaiser called their curriculum for this course.  I mean, the nutrition information is vitally important considering the procedure, but NOBODY mentioned how bad it hurts when you are used to swallowing a mouthful of water and don’t catch yourself before you do.

It HURTS!!!  ALL THE WAY DOWN!!!  I MEAN ALL THE WAY DOWN!

Considering everyone conducting the class knew that we would be on a liquid diet post-surgery, it’s surprising that no-one bothered to think about little stuff like making sure you don’t laugh too hard when your bladder is full.  Really, that one is like forgetting to tell a post-menopausal woman that menopause does not mean the end of buying maxi-pads.  It means you have to keep them handy four weeks a month instead of one.

Shit, I’m ranting.  Worse, I’m whining.

Ok, so I have hurt myself badly trying to swallow too large a mouthful of liquid.  It’s not so hard to remember to sip, just that there is a big difference between one man’s sip and another woman’s swallow.  Really, there is.  And once it’s on its way, there is nothing you can do.

Damn!!!  Just did it again!!

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