And I don’t mean beautiful or sexy either (although, if I must say…I am both). I stopped taking my hormones about a week ago, at about the same time I stopped drinking coffee.
I know, EVERYONE SHOULD BE FRIGHTENED.
Really, I am tired of taking pills that make me fat. Estrogen promotes weight gain. I had lost 29lbs as of the day before my tumor was removed. The day I went home from the hospital, I was 37lbs lighter, mostly because I went home minus the tumor. A week later, and I had begun gaining weight. The only thing that changed was the hormones.
No matter what I did, the weight came back. And it brought friends. They’ve been having a house-party around my belly and waist for about a year now. And I wasn’t invited, dammit. The flab under my arms waves hello to them every time I lift my hand. I hate them all. Damn fat cliques.
So today I am hot. Flashing, that is. I have a new dress, tights and cute boots to wear to a karaoke dinner at a friend’s house tonight, and it better be cold out. Last time, I spent the better part of an hour standing outside the front door because it was too hot for me inside, even though everyone else was wearing sweaters and I was the only one in short sleeves. Between me and Cole, the neighbors must have thought we were playing some strange kind of game that the two of us kept losing. When I wasn’t out there, Cole was.
Right now, I am sitting under the ceiling fan, and it is on "high". I need to take a shower and get dressed for the museum visit today, but I am dreading the steam after I get out. I would love to leave my bedroom window open, but it is on the landing and the neighbors seem like nice people.
It’s about time I stopped whining about my fat, and start doing something about it. I realized this week that, as an alumnus of Cal State, I am entitled to a free year of services that includes the gym at any campus. Why I didn’t think of that before is beyond me, since I was avoiding getting a membership anywhere else because of the fees. My year ends the first of July. I better get cracking.
Okay, I’m cooler now. Shower time.