Ok, so let’s start with men…
I don’t have one in my life currently, and haven’t in some time. Not in an intimate manner, anyway. Does that bother me? Not in the least.
In the past, I’ve used the excuse that, with my life the way it is (school, work, dog, school), I just don’t have the time to devote to a relationship with anyone, and it wouldn’t be fair to the other party to be asked to wait for me to find time, even if they were willing to do so, although I always make time for the people in my life. While this is the truth, it is only partly so. The real, honest-to-God truth is: I don’t have time for bullshit.
Ok, so what does that mean?
Take, for instance, Sharron (pronounced Sha-RON for those of you lacking the Ghetto Speech gene). We dated (I call it that, anyway) for several months a few years ago. This was around the time I began school again in earnest. Sharron was a Security Officer at my work (I know, I broke a Primal Rule). Although not as tall as I would have liked, he was handsome, and appeared to be very intelligent. We spent quite a few hours talking about … stuff. Sharron was very articulate, for the most part his political views were well thought-out, although we did not always agree.
Sharron was a selfish, self centered, overbearing, childish son-of-a-bitch. Knowing I spent several hours each night studying, he would show up whenever he felt like it. Usually when he got off work (I lived just across the street). Usually without calling. Regardless of the time. The beginning of the end was breakfast one morning. At the time, I was watching my sugar intake (again), and had only "lite" syrup in my pantry (yeah, yeah, I know). Sharron insisted upon having pancakes for breakfast.
He complained the entire time. The pancakes were too big, too flat, not fluffy enough, and why did I make so many? That, and "OH, GOD, WHY DIDN’T YOU GO GET REGULAR SYRUP, YOU KNOW I CAN’T EAT THIS CRAP!!!" Anyone who knows me, and knows my history, can imagine my response to that. I’m sure I don’t have to point out that that was the end of the meal. Around that time I had also begun stressing that my time was short, and as much as I wanted to spend all my available time with him, I had other obligations.
I had to make that point several times with Sharron. Can anyone see where this is heading?
Sharron showed up at my door at 1 am on more than one occasion. I’ve always joked about staying out/up on a school night when someone comes to work sleep-deprived, but I’m only half-joking when I say it. At the time, every night was a school night for me. When I pointed out the reason I was not happy to have company, Sharron replied, "You need to make a choice between me and that stupid shit. You’re not going to make it as a doctor anyway, so you need to give that shit up." By the time he was done, the answer was clear in my head: "Get the fuck out of my house."
Ain’t seen ‘im since, Vern.
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah … bullshit. I just don’t have time for it. I cannot, and will not put myself in the position where I have to make choices between my goals and my significant other. It’s not fair to me. On the other hand, it is also, as I stated earlier, not fair to ask another person to make concessions for my hectic schedule, simply understand that I don’t have time for them, and be happy with that.
So, I’m unattached.
More tomorrow. Or the next day.